Sunday, October 12, 2008

Older children, or am I crazy yet?

Sometimes I think that the older children are much more difficult. Of course, my situation is not the same as everyone's, so maybe it is just the situation that makes things more difficult. My step sons have lived with us full time for about a year and a half now. It took us nearly 12 years to get custody, and it has been a challenge every step of the way both when they were with their mother, and since they moved in here.
The 18 year old is very immature. I sometimes refer to him as 18 going on 12. While the content of video games and computer games and websites he views are more adult than those of the younger children, he still behaves very much like a child and spends much of his time in video games, computer and TV. He needs to be reminded to do his homework (he is in college). He needs to be reminded that he cannot eat all the food that is cooked for supper; that others need to eat. He needs to have priorities pointed out to him(e.g. buying yourself new shoes because you need them is not wasting money, going to buy candy at the store because you want it is a waste of money). He expects to be taken "back to school" shopping. These things annoy me. I guess it is because I was raised to be independent of my parents, and I was expected to purchase my own clothes and shoes long before I reached 18. Indeed, he finally has a job that is going to be more than 2 days a week.
Our 14 year old does all his schoolwork except science experiments and essays. He is more than capable of the essays and experiments. He just does not like them so he refuses to do them. I keep giving him zeroes in his transcript for these things, but he doesn't care. He has been told numerous times that this is expected of him, and that everyone is expected to do things in life that they don't like.
The 12 year old and 8 year old are both driving me crazy with the same things that have always driven me crazy. It seems that every few months, they must test to see if the limits have changed. They are doing what is asked of them for the most part.
Do you have any good ideas as to how to bring older children into the "real world" or how to get a reluctant writer to write? Please comment if you do!

1 comment:

WheresMyAngels said...

I struggled with this when raising my stepson. Unfortunately I was not a good parent to him. I was only 21 when I first started raising him and he was 5. Unfortunately I also took many things away. I didn't let him do outside activities because he wasn't doing well in school. I realize now that he should of had activities outside of school to motivate him. He only got to go to Church camp once and then I told him he had to do better in school before he went again, he never went. I think I spent too much time, getting after him and not enough, getting down to the issues of things. He still struggles in life and is almost 25. I was a failure to him and I regret it. You might check out this blog that I follow. This is a family whom has adopted alot of older children and she has lots of methods she uses for teaching her kids the rules. http://smilesandtrials.blogspot.com/