Monday, November 20, 2006

Update on the boys

Well, the boys were arraigned today. MSS had bail posted at $100. The probation officer and DH strongly urged DH's ex not to bail him out. The probation officer talked to her about the way MSS talks to her. MSS was yelling at her to go get the money...ask Gram for it, etc. I guess he was quite confident he was getting bailed out even as late as 3:30when YSS was finally called out of the juvenile lock up at the court for his hearing. As far as we know, his mother actually listened to what she was told and left him in jail tonight. The probation officer told her to let him stew at least until after the holiday. DH was telling me about this after he came home and I said, if he is locked up, she doesn't need to worry about him taking off and getting in more trouble again, and he will definitely show up for his next court date because he'll be escorted in shackles and cuffs. He was charged with delinquency, truancy, Assault and Battery, and possibly with possession of marijuana (he apparently had drugs on his person when he was picked up) as well as violating probation, as he was released conditionally after his last arraignment. It seems that on top of his violent behavior, he has missed 8 days of school since November 1st. He doesn't seem to get it that he is not in charge, and that if he doesn't behave, he will go to jail. DH said that the probation officer was explaining to his ex that anytime MSS (or either of his brothers for that matter) threatens her or her mother in any way, she should be calling the police. He explained to her that there is more they can do to help her out if she reports the behavior. She has let them get away with so much for so long, and I am not sure if she will actually let MSS stay locked up. I am told the bail increases to $130 after he returns to lockup, though.

YSS was giving tighter restrictions. He has a 7 p,m, curfew, and he has to attend school. He was warned that if he skips again he will wind up locked up as he violated his probation once already. He did not wind up in lock up per se this past weekend, but rather in a temporary foster home. He said it wasn't too bad, but he was talking to another kid who has been moved around every few months and said that sounds like it sucks. I think he was released to his mother this time because they are hoping that being taken away for the weekend and seeing his brother getting locked up might be enough to straighten him out. He has been warned. He claims he has "been clean for a month and a half." He said he knew he was going to get probation when he went to court the last time, so he stopped smoking pot. He claims he only smoked it 4 or 5 times. I have never tried the stuff, and frankly I never understood why anyone would want to use drugs and lose control of their faculties.

We are supposed to have the boys every Tuesday night for several hours. DH has been lax with them up to now. MSS will not be returning here, but his brothers, or at least YSS will be coming on Tuesday nights whether they like it or not. DH figured they were getting older and wanted to be around their friends, etc. Now he figures this is one way to prevent them from getting into any trouble....at least on Tuesday night.

Well, we have done what we can. The boys have been taught right from wrong. They are choosing to behave this way. They are very angry young men, but that is a long story that I am not ready to tell.

Lord,
You know all that these boys have been through. You know they are loved and that we have tried to teach them how to behave. They are in your hands, Lord. Your will be done. Help us as we parent the younger children to guide them in Your paths. Please protect them from this anger and rebellion that the older children are experiencing. Bless all our children, Lord. Bless DH's ex wife with strength to follow through and leave MSS in lock up until his next court date. That boy is so lost right now. His mother desperately needs You to help her withstand the temptation to go and rescue him yet again. The only way he will learn that he has to be responsible for his own actions, Lord, is to be left where he is to take the consequences. This is hard. Please help us all get through it. Please help us keep it from DH's father right now. DH's mother passed away just about a year ago, and his dad would have a really hard time dealing with all this right now. Thank you, Lord.

Amen.

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