Monday, November 20, 2006

Update on the boys

Well, the boys were arraigned today. MSS had bail posted at $100. The probation officer and DH strongly urged DH's ex not to bail him out. The probation officer talked to her about the way MSS talks to her. MSS was yelling at her to go get the money...ask Gram for it, etc. I guess he was quite confident he was getting bailed out even as late as 3:30when YSS was finally called out of the juvenile lock up at the court for his hearing. As far as we know, his mother actually listened to what she was told and left him in jail tonight. The probation officer told her to let him stew at least until after the holiday. DH was telling me about this after he came home and I said, if he is locked up, she doesn't need to worry about him taking off and getting in more trouble again, and he will definitely show up for his next court date because he'll be escorted in shackles and cuffs. He was charged with delinquency, truancy, Assault and Battery, and possibly with possession of marijuana (he apparently had drugs on his person when he was picked up) as well as violating probation, as he was released conditionally after his last arraignment. It seems that on top of his violent behavior, he has missed 8 days of school since November 1st. He doesn't seem to get it that he is not in charge, and that if he doesn't behave, he will go to jail. DH said that the probation officer was explaining to his ex that anytime MSS (or either of his brothers for that matter) threatens her or her mother in any way, she should be calling the police. He explained to her that there is more they can do to help her out if she reports the behavior. She has let them get away with so much for so long, and I am not sure if she will actually let MSS stay locked up. I am told the bail increases to $130 after he returns to lockup, though.

YSS was giving tighter restrictions. He has a 7 p,m, curfew, and he has to attend school. He was warned that if he skips again he will wind up locked up as he violated his probation once already. He did not wind up in lock up per se this past weekend, but rather in a temporary foster home. He said it wasn't too bad, but he was talking to another kid who has been moved around every few months and said that sounds like it sucks. I think he was released to his mother this time because they are hoping that being taken away for the weekend and seeing his brother getting locked up might be enough to straighten him out. He has been warned. He claims he has "been clean for a month and a half." He said he knew he was going to get probation when he went to court the last time, so he stopped smoking pot. He claims he only smoked it 4 or 5 times. I have never tried the stuff, and frankly I never understood why anyone would want to use drugs and lose control of their faculties.

We are supposed to have the boys every Tuesday night for several hours. DH has been lax with them up to now. MSS will not be returning here, but his brothers, or at least YSS will be coming on Tuesday nights whether they like it or not. DH figured they were getting older and wanted to be around their friends, etc. Now he figures this is one way to prevent them from getting into any least on Tuesday night.

Well, we have done what we can. The boys have been taught right from wrong. They are choosing to behave this way. They are very angry young men, but that is a long story that I am not ready to tell.

You know all that these boys have been through. You know they are loved and that we have tried to teach them how to behave. They are in your hands, Lord. Your will be done. Help us as we parent the younger children to guide them in Your paths. Please protect them from this anger and rebellion that the older children are experiencing. Bless all our children, Lord. Bless DH's ex wife with strength to follow through and leave MSS in lock up until his next court date. That boy is so lost right now. His mother desperately needs You to help her withstand the temptation to go and rescue him yet again. The only way he will learn that he has to be responsible for his own actions, Lord, is to be left where he is to take the consequences. This is hard. Please help us all get through it. Please help us keep it from DH's father right now. DH's mother passed away just about a year ago, and his dad would have a really hard time dealing with all this right now. Thank you, Lord.


Sunday, November 19, 2006

And the saga continues

We found out last night that MSS and YSS are both locked up in juvenile detention this weekend. Apparently YSS was put on probation when he had his CHINS hearing. Apparently he also was caught at some point with "weed" as OSS put it to DH. YSS skipped school again and was picked up. MSS was arrested for assault again. Apparently he beat up on another kid. Of course, DH didn't get a call from his ex about any of this and found out while IM-ing with his oldest son last night. I'm sure there is probably more to the story than the little bit we have gotten from OSS. DH is a bit of wreck over all this. He is mostly upset about the youngest being in lock up. I think there must be a whole lot more to the story than what we are getting. From what we were told, he was pulling regular kid stuff, but they don't usually put you in lock up for skipping school. OSS seemed to think that he was "finally going to be an only child" because he thinks his brothers are going to wind up in some sort of foster care. DH had at one point thought about having his youngest come here to live, but I said no. I will not put the rest of the children who are in my care in this house through the same junk they have been through in the past year with MSS and ODS. The younger two are finally starting to seem really happy, and YDS is settling down and behaving much better lately (although he is bouncing around right now).

Dear Lord,
Please soften the hearts of MSS and YSS to accept your love and to reject the ways of this world. They have been taught by their mother that they can have whatever they want and that "love" is shown by buying things. I think they are both angry and searching for something to fill the voids in their hearts, Lord, the voids that only You can fill. Bless DH's ex-wife with wisdom in this situation. Give her strength, Lord. Please place a hedge of protection around OSS, Lord. He has not been in the kind of trouble his brother's are in, Lord, but he too, has his vices. You know his needs and his weaknesses, Lord. Only You can help any of them, Lord.
Lord, give peace to DH in this situation. You know he has tried to set these boys straight. He is so upset, Lord, and he takes it out on those around him. Please help him to see his behavior is harmful to those who love him, and does nothing to help his boys. Your will be done, Lord.


Sunday, November 05, 2006

This and that

Well, Life has been busy. The younger 2 kids are settling in to the home school routine. I think we have accomplished more in the last few months here at home than would have been accomplished in "real school" despite all the distractions we have had.
MSS is back at his mother's. He failed to show for his arraignment and a warrant was issued for his arrest. When he found out about the warrant, he called DH and starting screaming obscenities and blaming DH for his own irresponsibility. Of course it was DH's FAULT that MSS didn't go to his arraignment. DH told MSS that he lives with his mother now and it is his mother's responsibility to either get him to court herself or make arrangements for him to get there. I guess MSS wound up getting locked up for 2 hours (shackles and cuffs with no shoes) when he finally went to court. YSS had to go to court because his school filed a CHINS motion against him for skipping so much school. CHINS stands for Child In Need of Services. He now has a curfew of 8 p.m. and must do community service to "pay" for his attorney. Of course this is "idiotic" and he should get the lawyer handed to him free. These boys have learned the entitlement mentality from their mother, and indeed may even take it further than she does. OSS is the only one who, so far, has been able to stay out of trouble, and is working a part time job. He seems to understand that if you want something you work for it.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....I always wanted to say that...LOL..ODD has a part time job. She had orientation today from 2-4. It is currently a seasonal (Christmas) position, but she may have an opportunity to stay on after the holidays. At this point, she has a job to get her through the holidays and will have a reference after the holidays for any other applications she may put in other places.

My car is running again! It cost me nothing to repair as it was the emergency fuel pump shut off that caused it to "die" in the first place.

My oldest is still not speaking with me. I have heard through channels that he is having problems with pressure in his eyes due to the medications he must take for his autoimmune disease. I miss him. My little ones miss him. He seems to have forgotten them. Of course, he is 18 and working full time. I don't think I spent much time with my brother once I moved out of my parents home. My brother was 15, though. It is a little easier to understand at 15 than it is at 10 and 6. They feel abandoned and forgotten.

We attended mass on Wednesday for All Saints Day and on Friday for first Friday. The priest at the church where we attend First Friday mass is so good with the children. He takes the time to really gear his sermons to them and really EXPLAIN the scriptures. He also takes the time to explain Eucharistic adoration to them. He has taught them a song and a prayer for time in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. I have known this priest since I was 15 years old. In many ways he is just the same as he was then. He wants to pass on his faith to the younger generations. He is not really a very well spoken man, but you can tell he really loves Jesus.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for the gifts of friends and family. Help us all to see you in those around us. Help us to remember that "whatsoever we do to least of these we do unto you." So often it is easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of every day and to forget to take the time to stop and help a "neighbor." Be with ODS as he struggles with his illness. Wrap you love around him and heal him, body, mind and spirit. Be with all my step sons and their mother and grandmother. They all so desperately need you, Lord. Be with the 3 children remaining here. May they know they are loved and cared for and that You are to be the center of their lives.